Living in the 21st Century comes with huge blessings but also poses some problems. Do you feel pressure to be perfect? In our society, we are constantly bombarded with messages that perfection is likable. We can't open Instagram without seeing perfectly happy people who seem to have their lives together: they have the cutest clothes and the most flawless skin. They're constantly traveling the world and every picture is filled with their beautifully-styled extensions or designer sunglasses. Their family photos consist of matching clothes and big smiles. Not to mention, their house seems like it should be on the cover of an HGTV magazine. Not two minutes later, we grab our phones to check our updated newsfeed only to be hit with more than enough information. Everything looks so perfect. You take in that girl's large group of friends and that boy's court-side seats at the game in town. Thoughts of insecurities enter. You're hustled back to reality as your phone chimes --that super-cute selfie you just posted has been liked several times. Your heart lifts as your phone keeps dinging every hour with more notifications telling you how wonderful you look. Instantly, you shrug off those doubts that thwarted your thoughts moments earlier.
Oh, how easy it is to get wrapped up in placing our identity in what people think of us.
REALITY: The world digs what looks like perfection.
REALITY: Not one person, not one family, not one life is PERFECT.
THE QUESTION: As you look at the world around you, you are happy that others are happy. You love seeing pictures of other parts of the world or following your best friend's adventures -- but deep-down, maybe some days, you are hit with a question: how come my life doesn't look like that? Or, even worse: my life should look like that. The minute you start to question yourself, doubt enters. That is Satan's cue to remind you how awful your life is compared to others. He begins to throw lies your way, as he reminds you of your imperfections.
Oh friends, comparison is the thief of joy.
We can't change the world. We can't change how much social media or the entertainment industry affects the world around us. However, God can change our perspectives. God can change our hearts to be motivated by what He thinks of us more than what society thinks of us. You are imperfect, living in an imperfect world. Nothing you can do can change that.
TRUTH: God can change our hearts to be motivated by what He thinks of us more than what society thinks of us.
THE BATTLE IS ON: God has called us to progress, not perfection. If you read the book of James in the Bible, it is written by Jesus' brother to one of the first group of Christians after His resurrection. It offers tons of advice and wisdom on how to jump-start a relationship with Jesus. Not one verse in that entire book tells His children to aim to be perfect. The entire book is about persevering in our walk with Christ. In fact, at the end of chapter one, we are reminded that God wants us to keep ourselves from being polluted by the world. Don't let those worldly thoughts of perfectionism cloud your view of God. He's the only One who gets to be perfect -- and rightly so, as He sent His perfect Son to die for us.
Take this from a recovering—okay, still recovering perfectionist— we have to intentionally change our mindset. Remember, what we actually think about is what we become. Here are some practical ways I’m incorporating to help myself not aim for perfection.
WHAT TO DO 1. Set healthy boundaries. While serving Him, God wants us [His children] to establish healthy boundaries. He has created you to be so smart and use that amazing brain that He gave you. He doesn't want you to reach exhaustion. He doesn't want you to feel worthless because you can't be perfect at everything your hand touches, 100% of the time. That's HIS job. He also doesn't want you to set your expectations higher than humanely possible -- because guess what? You are human, and He is not.
Set boundaries. Know where you are going to draw the line before someone approaches you. Can't work late tonight? Practice saying no. Can't hit the gym tonight with your buddies? Schedule time for another day within the week. Social media leaving you bummed? Delete the app from your phone. Can't officially break-up with Facebook? Set your timer for 15 minutes of scrolling and put the phone down.
2. Be ready for failure. Sure, you've failed several times, but that failure can catapult you forward to help you glean from your progress. You can't pick up His Word and not notice the daunting mistakes the characters He deemed as heroes made. Noah? Got drunk and got naked. Paul? Murdered Christians. David? Slept with his friend's wife. Peter? Denied he even knew Jesus. Yet, God still loved them. He used them and their failures, and their stories are still told today to help us within our Christian walk. Did hear that? GOD STILL LOVED THEM. He loved His children -- those children who made huge mistakes. Guess what? He then used those mistakes to teach them more about Himself. Talk about awesome fatherly love! 3. Celebrate small victories.
Perfectionism isn't going to automatically disappear overnight. It's one of those areas of your life that you're going to have to really work at it. You're going to have to pray for strength in that specific moment and celebrate even the smallest ounce of a victory. BREATHE. Remind yourself that you can only give your best and that your best is good enough. When you set those boundaries and actually follow through - CELEBRATE! You need to create a new trigger and response for your brain. Similar to forming a habit, you're going to have to re-train your brain.
AIM FOR TRUTH & FACE REALITY.Do you want the honest truth? Perfectionism is not reality. No one crawls out of bed and looks perfect. No one has a family without problems. There is no perfect job without complications or crazy co-workers. We're living in a broken world. Remember, what you see is only one side of the story. TRUTH: life is a mess. No one has it all together, I promise. EMBRACE IT. GIVE YOUR BEST. DO WHAT YOU CAN. Seek to change your mindset and shift your perspective.
You have been called to live this life wildly.
I worked on a mural with ARTWORKS this summer. It was an incredible experience! It reminded me that life truly is a process. Let me explain: The community was invited in to help with this mural. We had elementary-aged kids to grandparents; artists to non-artists; kids to adults. Regardless of talent, we all just did our best to follow the paint by number guidelines posted all over the white concrete canvas in front of us. I still drive by this park just outside my hometown to admire the finished project completed by novices just like myself. A community rallied together to bring our town something beautiful. If you look up close, you can see smudges, mistakes, imperfections. This mural is a true picture of progress, not perfection. And you know what? It's beautiful.
PROMISES TO PONDER Psalm 36:4: He shall give you the desires of your heart.
When you first read that verse, it sounds a little backward. You know that God is not going to give you everything you want, right? When you give your life to Christ, it doesn't mean that life is going to be super easy. To be honest, it's usually the opposite. Why? You now have a target on your back. If you are following Jesus, Satan is going to come after you hard-core because he doesn't want you to give glory to his enemy. Worse, he doesn't want you to help point others to Jesus with that sweet grace you are now experiencing. Don't be scared. You've got the armor of Christ. Put it on. Not sure what I'm talking about? Check out Ephesians 6. It will energize you! Gird up your loins and get ready for battle. You have access to so many tools to fight your daily battles, not to mention, the King Himself.
NEXT STEPS Discover the triggers in your life that encourage that attitude of perfectionism. Are you trying to keep up with a specific co-worker? Perhaps take a break from spending constant time with him or her. Is scrolling through social media during your free time causing you to second guess your thighs or wardrobe? Does it make you feel like you are unworthy? Give it up! Take a break. Instead of picking up your phone and opening up those feelings of discouragement, find another outlet. Listen to an audiobook or dive into His word.
I'm a huge fan of putting encouragement in my ear. I want His voice to be the loudest, so I try to block out the enemy. Find podcasts that put your mind on things from above.
Need a suggestion? Check out the FOCUS ON THE FAMILY app. It's a daily radio broadcast that runs about 25 minutes with topics ranging from living a life of faith to encouraging your family. I also love the SHINE app -- it's a positive way to add some good news into your day with motivational encouragement in the forms of quick talks or articles. Their tagline is 'a pep talk in your pocket' - it's truly a daily dose of positive vibes. CHARACTER OF GOD The One who has called you is FAITHFUL, and HE WILL DO IT! That is one of my favorite verses tucked away in 1 Thessalonians 5:24. He doesn't disregard His promises. He will carry you through good times and challenging times. Trust in Him and seek Him with your whole heart. When you feel those feelings of perfectionism creep into your brain or voices from the enemy, cling to His Word! Memorize a few of those Bible verses that remind yourself that you are strong in the Lord -- because, guess what? YOU ARE.
